I won't be there to break your sweet heart.

Sometimes i fancy myself in my own movie. It is always set in a little place like, oh, New York City. Yet, I've been to NYC and would never want to live there. I was in Manhattan...I much preferred SoHo...and, then whatever little area was around the MET. Anyways, sometimes when I'm just walking around, I know exactly what song would be playing if I was being filmed. Inevitably, each day the song could be different...and, sometimes, depending on the song, my steps are lighter and faster....or slower and more calculated.

This all being said, a lot of times, I look at myself and my situations as if I were an outsider. I look at them as if I were watching a movie. I feel emotions as I am swayed by each look at the movie. I can shut off my emotions if I don't watch the movie.

I find myself having those moments where somewhere voices were overdubbed as the main character reminisces through memories of words past spoken by a lover or friend. I look back at the movie and touch my necklace absentmindedly remembering him notice it, comment, and proceed to tell me just why I would pick it... As I watch that particular movie, I am overwhelmed by familiarity lost. The song playing would be "Title Withheld" by Resident Hero.

Right now, I am learning that love is a choice. I am learning that contentedness is a choice. If I looked too hard at the movie...too hard at circumstances I can't control or can't get back again, I could cry because that girl, Candace, is so sad and deserves more out of life.

But, really, the song playing now is "You Are My Joy" by the Reindeer Section. No, not a cover of David Crowder...
A song that speaks simple truth, simple wonder....but a catchy little happy tune. That's how I feel right now. Speaking simple, hard things...things that hurt. Things that make you wonder.
But, a happy tune. Because I am happy. I am happy right now. I can't deny it. Don't want to.

I have some things I have to do. But I'm happy.

And I see that girl in NYC....really, everyone is watching her stroll down the street...they wonder at her quiet contented happiness. They double take as she lightly takes each step at a time. They can't decide what song is playing in the headphones in her ears. It would be fall/winter. Leaves that have changed would be falling and she'd be wearing a brilliant peacoat with some kind of matching hat and scarf. There would probably be a skirt and some embellished stockings...and, let's face it, there'd be converse tennis shoes.

And, she'd peek out from under those impossibly long, curly eyelashes and then the camera would see it: sparkling, innocent eyes.

All is well here.