The hills are alive...but am I?

I used to think that I was special.

I used to think that I was different than everybody else. And I so liked that.

I used to think that my very presence just changed things.

I don't know why I thought that really...except, maybe I thought I had something to offer.

Now, there are things that are cool. I can prophesy to somebody and blow their minds. I can pray over someone and see them healed. I can assert my value and see people bend to my assertion. I can speak my mind and hear it heard. I can speak from experience and see someone actually take notes on a piece of paper. I can hear people thanking me for wisdom.

Yet, I don't feel special anymore.

I feel like I'm waiting for something amazing to happen, and I'm wondering if it ever will. Because until something amazing happens, I'm stuck at Walgreens. Stuck without my bachelor's degree. Stuck unmarried. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.

And, I'm not sure I really feel like I matter. And this is scary.

And I want to hole up in my apartment and turn off my phone and just sleep.

...well, also watch "The Sound of Music"...