Even from the Holy Spirit.... at one point were you not able to feel Him, hear Him, find Him like before....
It's usually a culmination of moments, thoughts, ideas, actions...
The other day, I had this talk with God that was hugely intense. It restored a standard between us. It restored a standard of intimacy that had been weathered and not attended to. I got "my eyes" back and even then they were better...more learned, heightened, more wisdom, more experienced...
But, I sat in my car and literally wept for awhile. I was weeping so hard that my body became weak and I felt the release of months of pent up pain come rolling out. So, I asked the Holy Spirit to fill it all up with Himself because too often I welcome pain to fill me because I ignore it. Apathy becomes deadly to my soul and to my own body.
He is doing so much. I have felt like it's a step back. Some of it is restoring to me parts of my personality that I have hidden because of pain or shame... but, when He restores what I lost, I still have all this experience and knowledge that I've gained since I hid these things. So, essentially, my gain is crazy huge.
I've always been a romantic. But, even so in friendships. If I feel drawn to someone strongly and inexplicably, I feel this sense that it was "meant to be." So, I fight with my very core for what I want and what I desire. I believe to the end that it was meant to be and it's worth fighting for. I've tried to tone that down and I've become ashamed of my tendency to love that deeply. But, I'm finding this ridiculously awesome aspect of God's character in that part of me. So, now I'm feeling like I see grace, love, hope, restoration, and strength in something that I labeled as shameful.
Something has happened here recently. Something beautiful.
Something I won't let apathy take away again.
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