Monday, October 29, 2012

Excerpts from "Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne PART FOUR

Any time we make a radical conversion, there is the danger that people will say we are being brainwashed or are joining a cult.
We need minds that are renewed and uncluttered so they are free to dream again.
...we are forming an alternative culture.

Belief is only the beginning. What really matters is how we live, how what we believe gets fleshed out...

...people come forward with fire in their eyes and say, 'We have been dreaming the same dreams.'...

What the world needs is people who believe so much in another world that the cannot help but begin enacting it now.

True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that a system that produces beggars needs to be repaved.
-- Dr Martin Luther King

Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love.

As we study the Scriptures, we see how many texts we have misread, contextualized, and exegeted to hear what we want to. ((not sure where the problem in contextualizing and exegeting is...))

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness" Matt 5:6 But,In the Hebrew, the same word is used for righteousness and justice.

Coming-of-age

I've noticed that any time there is a teenage love story movie, it's oft times referred to as a "coming-of-age story."  That's funny to me.  Does that mean that to "come of age," you have to fall in love?  Does this mean that I've never come of age... Come of age for what?

A lot of times, I look at young love.  I look at teenagers and I see something that I never had.  I have to wonder if that's good or bad....is it ok?

So many people give me that line... "You should be happy you haven't given away your heart completely yet."

Maybe I will be happy about that when I meet him.  But, right now, I feel so dang old.  I feel too old to be coming of age.  I'm about to embark on an adventure so many dream of.  I'm about to embark on an adventure that I wouldn't be able to go on if I were married or in a serious relationship.  It's even on my DREAMS list from second year... Live in another country for more than 6 months.

What is it about life that makes us feel that we can't be youthful past a certain age?  That it is too late for us to experience things for the first time?

What is my story about to look like?

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Wedding Dream :(

Last night, I prayed for God to give me a dream because I felt like I hadn't dreamt in awhile.
And then, I have BEEN thinking for the past few days how this guy that I've been interested in just might not be the one for me....even though he's so much that I want. A friend of mine told me to ask Holy Spirit about it and I was confused because I don't feel physically attracted to him. I love his mind, his goals, and I even do logically find him attractive. But, I've wondered "what's going on"....So, then I have this dream:
There's this guy I BARELY know and, apparently, we're gonna get married. Some people tell him that he'll have to go on unemployment and then someone accuses him of marrying me to pay for everything for him. His brother is a drunk and wants me to take him to a drug test as per a court ruling like 30 minutes before my wedding. I am so if-y about this wedding that I'm seriously anxious. I start thinking, "Well, if it's not meant to be, we can just get a divorce." That makes my insides hurt and I feel sick to my stomach. So, I have this talk with my betrothed and he says that I'm his dream. And, then he kisses me. I guess I romanticize it because I start crying. While crying, I tell him, "For 26 years, every guy that has tried to kiss me, I back away. I have waited for you. Against ALL ODDS, I have literally WAITED for you. And THAT RIGHT THERE was my first kiss. I have waited for 26 years to have my first kiss on my wedding day." But, I'm not mad as I say it -- But, I should've been. This guy I admitedly barely know just took my first kiss...because he barely knows me and doesn't know what it costs.
So then I'm barely on board for this wedding. It turns to the wedding day.
Everyone I know is excited for me. Old friends have shown up.... Alexa, Alysia...
As I walk down the sidewalk, already in my beautiful wedding dress, I'm noticing that everything has been planned FOR me and I don't like it. For one,it's an outdoor wedding in a kind of warm time of year. I've always wanted a winter wedding....either indoors, candlelit --- or outdoors in some snow (although that's hard because I want my guests to have a good time, not freeze, but anyways...). The groomsmen and bridesmaids are running around in pink and teal colors. I've always wanted black and red and silver for my wedding colors. Literally, this wedding is the complete opposite of everything I've wanted. My fiance however is completely gorgeous and dark-headed... I accidentally rear-end someone's car....but when I back up my car to survey the damage, neither car is damaged. So, I'm sitting here freaking out and everyone is just like LA LA LA....
My mom comes up to the car and starts trying to take pictures of her and I but can never get the camera on us two. At the last minute, it turns to the side and gets all these random guests milling around. I ask her where Josh is and she says that he couldn't come. I text him and he texts back a like, "alksdjiouf!!" like he forgot to come or something...even though it's out of state. Someone starts ranting, "He's had ALL OF OCTOBER to get a plane ticket!" And it makes me really sad. That's all I start focusing on. That my little brother isn't here for my wedding...that I barely want to be a part of.
I keep going back and forth.... should I just do it? Or do I have the guts to call this off? Would we even be happy together? Would our life be full of moments where we prayed into the night for the things we dream of together? Does He even love God? Will he even love me? What if I spend a great portion of my life unhappy and trying to please him (like I did with Joe) instead of fulfilling my life and dreams? How the heck can I have sex with him tonight when I feel like I can't even pick him out of this huge crowd of people? How did I meet this guy?

Wake up.
?

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Beautiful breaths of life.

Sometimes when you're asleep, I just want to be there to make sure you're still breathing.

Friday, June 3, 2011

"Your best friend is not your girlfriend...It hurts" -- Angels and Airwaves

Ok, so the past month and a half has found me in a new season. This season is one that I created. But, this one I got to partner with the Holy Spirit to bring into fruition. And, He has so multiplied me for obedience and for perseverance....and He's done what comes from me intentionally being healthy.

But, here lately, I think I've realized too late --- you get to an age where you can't have an opposite sex best friend unless it's your spouse. I say this as a single person. I say this as a 25 year old single person. I have so many guy friends. Some of them I'd consider some of my closest friends. But, realizing more about boundaries and being healthy, it's just not possible to have intimacy and platonic intentions cohabitate in an opposite sex friendship. I'm talking deep intimacy....completely being known and knowing the other person...you know....that tends to happen in deep friendships. But, if you were married, it wouldn't be ok to have that with a guy friend....so, why is it okay outside of having that outlet in your life in a covenant? So, it would seem that you're using someone else to get what you really need without commitment and covenant...or, if there IS commitment and covenant -- then, it's unhealthy and awkward.

I've just become so committed to not having a male best friend. I'm paving the way for my future husband. I'm preparing every possible situation for your entrance. I'm intentionally doing a spring-cleaning of my life for you, love.

I've drastically changed some relationships in the way that I'd have to if my husband had just walked into my life and was preparing to immediately marry me. And, it just feels good. I mean my hot musician husband isn't even here yet and the healthiness of it all just feels so so so good. It's like-- why didn't i do this before? Why didn't I get taught about the intricacies of all this? All those boundary/intimacy talks at Bethel were really geared towards actual romantic relationships....telling guys to step up and step out...telling women to let them pursue and to be honest and respectful and all that blah blah blah....but, they didn't tell you what to do when you had a male best friend. What to do when your relationship with him had no boundaries but was so close that changing anything seemed to encroach upon the intimacy you had cultivated and didn't want to lose. What to do when you had to end a "friendship" because he was just your play boyfriend but it killed you because he was legitimately one of your very best friends and the lack of titles just made explanation awkward...

Someone needs to talk about this.
How is it okay to have an opposite best friend that you're not dating/married to? Really now.... at what point did your intimacy get too.... intimate...

People don't truly understand boundaries.
People don't understand why they're important. why they matter. how they help. how free you can be. how healthy you can be. how necessary being healthy is.

And, for the first time...I do.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Excerpts from "Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne PART THREE

Any time we make a radical conversion, there is the danger that people will say we are being brainwashed or are joining a cult.
We need minds that are renewed and uncluttered so they are free to dream again.

...people come forward with fire in their eyes and say, 'We have been dreaming the same dreams.' ...

Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness." (Matt 5:6) In the Hebrew, the same word is used for righteousness and JUSTICE!!

Poverty was created not by God but by you and me, because we have not learned to love our neighbors as ourselves.

...the gospel of abundance rooted in the theology of enough.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Question to ask yourself...

How many people make you feel extraordinary?
--Marley & Me

Friday, April 15, 2011

Excerpts from "Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne PART TWO

Few people are interested in a religion that has nothing to say to the world and offers them only life after death, when what people are really wondering is whether there is life before death.

We are about ending poverty, not simply managing it.

We have described the layers of our common life as an onion, at the core of which are the partners who covenant to love and cherish each other (the hardest and most beautiful thing we do), and each of us shares healthy responsibilities and expectations. We've hashed out our nonnegotiables and tried to understand those we do not agree with.

Jesus did not seek out the rich and powerful in order to trickle down his Kingdom.

"We are trying to shout the gospel with our lives." -- Sister Margaret

People do not get crucified for charity. People are crucified for living out a love that disrupts the social order, that calls forth a new world. People are not crucified for helping poor people. People are crucified for joining them.

It's easy to see these things as spectacular, but I really believe that's only because we live in a world that has lost its imagination.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Excerpts from "Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne

New prophets are rising up who try to change the future, not just predict it. There is a movement bubbling up that goes beyond cynicism and celebrates a new way of living, a generation that stops complaining about the church it sees and and becomes the the church it dreams of. And this little revolution is irresistible. It is a contagious revolution that dances, laughs, and loves.

Little people with big dreams are reimagining the world.

The point is not to give you all of the answers but to stir up some of the questions. Some of us haven't even asked the right questions, or found a church that would let us.

Most good things have been said far too many times and just need to be lived.

May we continue to feed each other hope as we dance God's revolution together.

It becomes hard to know who Jesus really is, much less to imagine that Jesus ever laughed, cried, or had poop that smelled.

I came to realize that preachers were telling me to lay my life at the foot of the cross and weren't giving me anything to pick up.

...suffocated by Christianity but thirsty for God.

I wanted to see passion.

reckless, unguarded worship...like they believed in heaven and hell [and] cried and worshiped like they were actually encountering God.

At least they have a sense of urgency and passion and live as if what they are saying is true (religious fanatics who stand on street corners)

I wanted miracles to be normal again. He told me that we have insulated ourselves from miracles. We no longer live with such reckless faith that we need them.

We saw a homeless man lay a pack of cigarettes in the offering plate because it was all he had.

Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet."

I felt so thirsty for God, so embarrassed by Christianity, and so ready for something more.

"We are called not to be successful but to be faithful." -- Mother Theresa
tension between efficiency and faithfulness.

"It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it." -- Mother Theresa

Namaste means "I honor the Holy One who lives in you."

What had lasting significance were not the miracles themselves but Jesus' love...It wasn't that Jesus healed a leper but that he touched a leper, because no one touched lepers.

A new community marked by interdependence and sacrificial love.

People always want to define you by what you do. I started saying, "I'm not too concerned with what I am going to do. I am more interested in who I am becoming. I want to be a lover of God and people." What we do is not nearly as important as who we are.

We can admire and worship Jesus without doing what he did. We can applaud what he preached and stood for without caring about the same things. We can adore his cross without taking up ours.




Wednesday, April 6, 2011

"I dare you to hope for more."

Faith, hope, and love.

I feel like God is showing me so many aspects of these three things. He's showing me how they're all intertwined in ways that would seem almost bizarre. Jesus says, "The greatest of these is love." But, because of love, we will have faith and hope. So, they're never far from one another. I'm not sure that they exist apart from one another.

But, right now, it's all about hope. Hope is so wrapped up in faith. It's basically believing something greater....both of those things are expectancy of better. Faith is like the drive behind hope. Faith inspires us to hope...because hope is the heartbeat of atmosphere changes.

I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that we change things with our words and with hope. Our words, which carry life in them, draw on change.
And, it's only out of love --because perfect love is devoid of manipulation and control-- that we will change, with our words and our hope, anything that comes against love. So, the things that come up next to and within love are pure and saturating. So, it's not manipulative or controlling to draw on love and safety and grace...
But, what is it inside of me that feels like if I pull on love and hope right now for a certain situation, that it will be manipulating? I know it's not my heart. I think I've figured out that I don't know where his heart is. I feel like I always have to appeal to the Christlike portion of something to get his attention. It's like I have to show him what is actually love and grace and pure and almost like telling him it's "wrong" to do otherwise if we are going to live like Christ. It's like punishment gets his attention...or failure.... So, I feel like I have to leave it just completely up to him. I can't appeal to the spirit within him...I can't point out the nature of the Lord's character.... because then it's like pointing out his weakness and faults and -- is it really pulling him higher? It's never my heart to make him feel like punishment or failure should get his attention... but, in the back of my mind, i know..or maybe just assume/think.. that it's not where his heart is right now. His heart isn't centered on walking in the Spirit so fully that love conquers all....grace and hope change things.... and sacrifice is worth it.

But, what about loving someone by loving them as "if" they're the person they want to be? I don't think I really know how to do that in a way that calls out greatness.... I know I want to live like that and i want to UNDERSTAND how to do that. I want to know the inner workings of the heartbeat of God that loves in such a way that always thinks the best and draws out destiny. It sounds great in words and all that... but, how does that work? How does that work when hearts have been so broken? How does that work when trust has never been fully given because it just absolutely does not exist to a full capacity in a relationship?

I want it to work. I don't want to be stifled in such a way that i can't trust and I can't love... I mean,i want to love so fully and completely and amazingly that i can go back again and again and try and try and walk with someone through things. But, I don't want to be a scapegoat and a doormat.

Such tension.

I want to find the balance.

Hope.

–noun
1.
the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that eventswill turn out for the best: to give up hope.
2.
a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.
3.
grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is littleor no hope of his recovery.
4.
a person or thing in which expectations are centered: Themedicine was her last hope.
5.
something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constanthope.
–verb (used with object)
6.
to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
7.
to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will besatisfactory.
–verb (used without object)
8.
to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for an early spring.
9.
Archaic . to place trust; rely (usually followed by in ).
10.
hope against hope, to continue to hope, although the outlookdoes not warrant it: We are hoping against hope for achange in her condition.